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:icondbutterfly1969: More from DButterfly1969

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Writings by Ravenshymn

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Submitted on
February 25, 2013
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41 (who?)
From the suffering I come
Bleeding through the eyes,
The hope is now gone
Drowned in your cries.
A sudden scream, the agony’s so loud,
You drop to your knees,
Pray to God to help you out,
But once again, He has let you down.

Not able to move,
Not able to speak,
Life is so cruel,
And always was, it seems.
You’ve lost your will,
You’re getting weak,
Your body has collapsed
And so have your dreams.
Your mind gives up,
But you still want to fight,
Strength seeps out through your wrists
So you just fall down.

Then comes the peace,
So desired and calm.
Your head is now empty
And so is your heart.
There’s no more pain,
No memories, nor hopes.
Just me,
Sweet and bright,
Settling down in your mind.

Hello dear,
It’s me,
Your new I

Add a Comment:
RosyDawn527 Featured By Owner May 13, 2013   Writer
You portray insanity as something sudden, uncontrollable, and painful.
weroni Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is really moving! I don't read a lot of poetry on deviantart, but this deserves a fav!
DButterfly1969 Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2013
thank you, i'm flattered :)
Willis-Crisp Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Student Writer
This has a really nice pace to it, I can read it quickly and get a feel for the 'insanity' aspect of it. Some excellent metaphors in there too like, "strength seeps out through your wrists". From a purely opinionated point of view I'd have liked to have got past all the imagery to begin with and drop the reader straight in the unknown, thereby reinforcing the insanity. A great, deep poem overall though :)
DButterfly1969 Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013
thank you so much for your comments. i really appreciate your support :)
Willis-Crisp Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome! :D
authorofthings Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013
this is real awesome and true at times
Lilithmae1231 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is very nice; I like your choice of words, the way it flows, the imagery and emotions it evokes in me. Very good writing.

Two things though: in the second line of the first stanza, I think 'Bleeding' would make a bit more sense,
and in the second stanza, considering this line: Your body has collapsed, I think the next one should be And so have your dreams. instead of did.

That's just my opinion, though; and you are, of course, more that welcome to ignore the heck out me. :XD:
DButterfly1969 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013
thank you for your comment. i will change it, the thing is English is not my first language and i still make mistakes like that sometimes :P

i'm glad you like it anyway :)
Lilithmae1231 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, I get that; English isn't my first language either. It happens. :)
And you're welcome! :D
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